Often we think about the affect of our childhood on our adult life if the emotional needs are not met. The answer to this question is simple as well as complex.
How do you inherit a sense of belonging and inclusion, when you never felt like belonging to start with. There is this particular feeling from within as there was a time when I too had the same feeling as if I was someone from the outside looking in through my nose pressed against the window pane of the world, while all others were congregated inside with smiles on their faces.
This feeling existed with friendliness, romances, and worldly success. Despite building their adult lives, women have complained about this persisting feeling in their heart within. They have lovers, partners, and spouses; friends, colleagues, and close acquaintances. Work and activities keep them engaged and children of their own but somewhere there is a deep feeling of exile, of being different in ways and a feeling of neglect. They felt rejected in their earlier families.
They were marginalized, ignored, unheard, inadequate, or unlovable and this feeling dogs them. It is like a giant pail of colors that is spilled over and it colors the whole world. I am no specialist, but I have walked this terrain. You are on the highway of reclaiming and healing yourself. You tend to focus on what you missed and didn’t get in childhood or adulthood. You feel the stinging pain of being unloved. Despite the changes brought to you in the adulthood you still seem to drift off into your childhood and the neglect that overcomes you.
You return to the role of the daughter rather than enjoying your adulthood as a parent. This is called ‘’the core conflict’’ in my book ‘’Daughter Detox’’. You seem to dream that there is a magic wand that will transform your mother in to a decent loving and caring mother. So, if you are still feeling that you don’t belong and are still fumbling with the keys that will get you out of your childhood room, then ask yourself the question to get where you need to be.